Reza Hossein Borr

Your tolerance determines the level of your professionalism.  Your tolerance also determines the stability of your mood and your mental state when least desirable actions happen.  Professional detachment is required because people are susceptible to anger and frustration when they are not required to happen.  People get angry when their expectations of a good thing from an event are not delivered.  If people learn that what ever happens they will take the best advantage, then they will be less affected by what happens. Anger happens when people think there was something that could have been avoided but it was not avoided because somebody was foolish.  If people think that anger happens because of lack of professional detachment, it will raise a big question about their professionalism.

Professional detachment means mastering some psychological techniques that detach the person from his emotions during carrying out a project. It is about getting a new attitude towards what happens regardless of its intensity.  This may be called insensitivity but in fact insensitivity is different from being professionally detached.  Professional detachment is about looking at the events from a reasonable distance without being involved directly into action or taking what happens outside as a personal matter.  Setting yourself away from the events and observing them as an observer while they happen prevent uncontrolled emotions in your appearance.

Since what you feel appears in your face and your voice and body movements, it is important to prepare yourself before getting involved in what it may become a painful event or a controversial statement.  When your voice started trembling and your body started shaking or the colour of your face started changing, you are affected deeply and what you do is far from professionalism.  Nobody wants to get out of control.  It is the reason that professional detachment has been developed to prevent embarrassment and uncalculated actions.  Keeping in mind that it does not take a long time before a person is provoked into instant radical reactions, preventative actions are difficult to make once the trigger is performed.  What happens after that is about damage control.  Damage is already done badly but could be controlled if the person has learnt some strategies for cooling down himself immediately.

The best strategy for remaining calm and cool in tough times or in expected or unexpected tough events is developing sufficient resources and human qualities to increase tolerance to a high-level.  Tolerance is not something that could be mastered very quickly because you want to have it.  Tolerance must be gradually learnt step-by-step and tested.  It is not something that cannot be not achieved.  But it is something that needs to be rehearsed, practically under supervision, possibly in the real world.  There are many strategies and techniques that can prevent frustration and anger.  Whatever actions trigger the emergence of unwanted feelings and emotions, this belief must be developed that it is possible to change negative states and foster positive states.

Different mental states are the products of the unconscious system.  Unconscious system can be trained to avoid the production of painful emotions. Pain is the result of emotional attachment when it is triggered negatively.  Happiness is also the result of emotional attachment when it is triggered positively.  Pain comes when negative emotions get attached to one particular incident and they come out without control if the incident is attached to a series of incidents.  Happiness is the result of positive emotional attachment when they are triggered by positive incidents attached to each other. Happiness continues if the number of positive incidents increase and get chained together. 

Emotional people necessarily will get either upset or happy quickly.  The distance between pain and happiness is a short distance in the line of human emotions in people whose states become painful or joyful instantly. The numbers of things that happen and are neutral are very small for them.  The absolute majority of the issues, incidents, talks and thoughts fall in one of the negative or positive category and trigger either painful or joyful emotions. 

If the distance between the point of pain and point of happiness is very short, the person becomes moody and swings quickly from pain to happiness and sometime stops happiness from happening when pain takes over his whole body very quickly.  Once negative emotions of pain took over the body, it is very difficult to generate the feeling of happiness. The body becomes the source of production of destructive chemicals that poison the body and it takes a long time before the poison moves out of the system.

When the distance between pain and joy is very long, the tolerance for experiencing painful and joyful events become more and the people do not get into swinging emotions.  They show patience and remain cool. Emotions must enjoy stability of movement and not sudden or saddened upsurge if tolerance and coolness are to be achieved and integrated into unconscious mind.

Nothing generates more respect for you when you remain cool while everybody expects you to become irritated.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com    http://www.rezaaa.com

Dr Reza Borr
http://www.articlesbase.com/leadership-articles/professional-detachment-in-leadership-and-communication-669393.html

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The three corners of a long distance relationship.

Which one of the three corners of a triangle is the most important?

Or to put it another way, which one of the three can you take away in order to leave a triangle? Obviously, if you take out any one of them, your triangle will collapse. The same goes for a long distance relationship. It actually applies to any relationship, but I’ll show you why it’s so crucially important in a long distance relationship.

Communication

There is no such thing as a relationship without communication. If you want one-way communication, get yourself a potted plant. They’re also very good at one way communication. Some people even say their potted plants thrive when they talk to them. But there’s very few people that would admit their plants actually talk back to them.

Communication is such a basic part of every day life, that you’d think most people would be quite proficient at it. Breathing is an important part of everyday life, and most people seem to manage it quite fine, so communication should be a breeze shouldn’t it? (pun not intended) Guess again! Most people don’t know the first thing about communication.

What do you think is the single most common reason for marriages ending in divorce? Make your pick from the following: Infidelity (unfaithfulness), communication, violence, sexual problems, money problems, too busy lifestyle, or self-centeredness.

Apparently (I didn’t verify this statistic) fully 85% of marriages that end up in the divorce court, end because of a lack of communication. Looking at the list above, you will see that communication actually plays a part in most, if not all of the other factors. Whether or not you are married or just in a serious relationship doesn’t make the slightest difference here. Your relationship may not end up in a divorce court, but the reason for it breaking could be exactly the same.

Becoming a good communicator

It’s all fine and well that you now know communication is so very important, but what good does it do you if I don’t help you to communicate better? In order to help you, I’m going to show you a few basics of communication. People communicate differently due to various reasons, including, but not limited to:

- maturity

- sex

- culture

- temperament

Maturity

Your level of maturity is mirrored by your communication. I don’t mean you should sit around and complain about the good old days like old people, I just mean that you need to (at least some times) be able to have a good heart-to-heart discussion about important issues.

I can’t think how an immature person would handle a long distance relationship. If you are in a long distance relationship and you want it to work, you will have to handle it in a very mature way. This is especially important due to the fact that you are not together all the time. Your communication time is limited, so when you need to discuss serious matters, you can’t just shy away from it.

So what do you do if your partner isn’t mature? Well, luckily, maturity is something you can learn. People are born with a certain tendency towards maturity, but the more mature you act the more mature you will become. If your partner is serious about your relationship he will make it work. Sit down and have a mature discussion about it. This is sometimes one of those things that you just need to point out for the change to occur.

Sex

We all know men and women communicate differently, and I’m not just referring to the actual topics of the conversation. Men focus more on words and technicalities, whereas women focus more on tone of voice and body language. And that’s a pretty big generalization. Just remember, when you’re talking to somebody of the opposite sex that that person may interpret your meaning in a completely different way than what you initially intended. Be aware of that fact, and you can save yourself a world of trouble.

Culture

This is especially important for couples that are of different backgrounds. And I’m not just referring to different ethnic backgrounds. Even people from the same ethnic background, but different parts of the same country can have very different ways of communication.

You should never hide behind the fact that you’re from a different culture. What I mean is: If you know certain people find certain words offensive, even though where you come from they have different meanings, it doesn’t give you the right to abuse that fact. When communicating with your partner, always keep your backgrounds in consideration.

Temperament

You all know those people that seemingly get offended at everything? Or what about those people who seem to offend everybody with their style? Even though it’s also not something to hide behind, it’s probably a factor of their different personalities (temperaments). It’s a good idea, if you’re in a serious relationship, to find out exactly what personality type both you and your partner are. It will make communication so much easier. You will suddenly understand why, for example your partner misinterprets certain things you say, or why she sometimes seems so harsh on you.

Commitment

There really isn’t much to say about this. When you find somebody you really love, you WILL commit to that person. If you don’t, then your relationship is doomed from the start. There can be no relationship when there is no commitment. The moment an even remotely interesting third party shows up, your relationship will be down the drain if you haven’t committed to each other.

Commitment is something that you will have to work on. It builds heavily on the communication you have in your relationship, but also on trust. See why I say none of the three corners can be removed?

Trust

Let me just start of by saying this: Distrust is normal. Don’t feel like a terrible person just because you don’t always trust your partner. By the way; you thought your partner was great, so somebody else may just think the same way. But before you let trust – or the lack thereof – ruin your relationship, just ask yourself the following question: Why am I distrustful?

Do you have a valid reason for distrusting your partner? Really think about it for a while. If you both really love each other and are truly committed, why are you worrying? One of the main reasons to be distrustful is probably because of mass media. We’ve all seen movies, TV shows or have read books where the husband/wife comes home early only to find an untrustworthy partner in bed with someone else.

Does this really happen? Unfortunately it does. Does it happen nearly as often as we are made to believe? I’ve seen the Golden Gate Bridge being destroyed at least 5 times during the last 10 years. Funnily enough, it’s still standing; despite what Hollywood thinks should be happening. I’ve also seen at least 6 different attempts by aliens to take over or destroy the planet (some more humorous than others). I’ve still to see my first real alien – the green tentacled type, not the illegal immigrant type.

Suffice it to say this: Trust is like respect. The more you give, the more you will get. If you really trust your partner, it will show, and you will receive the trust back. You weren’t planning on cheating were you? Of course not, so trust you partner to do the same.

But here, once again, the three corners of the triangle will have to work together. I firmly believe that the more you communicate, and the more openly you communicate, the more you will learn to trust each other. And the more you trust each other the more committed you will be to each other. And the more committed you are, the more you will trust each other and communicate with each other.

I can carry on like this for a few more paragraphs until you are completely dizzy, but I’m certain you understand by now. If you feel you need to work on one of these points, you will have to work on all three of them.

Leon Louw
http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/communication-commitment-and-trust-the-three-corners-of-a-long-distance-relationship-698961.html

Streaming Video is the future of the Internet. In the United States of America, $2 billion was being spent on streaming media technologies, and is projected to grow to in excess of $12 billion per annum over the next few years.

Today the Internet is the fastest growing marketplace and offers global, opportunities to all, from international conglomerates to the individual person sat at the kitchen table. What though is the most effective form of communication on the information super highway? The Internet has become the place to communicate with one another and the means to search for and locate information. Video streaming brings a whole new dimension to this experience for everyone, be they business persons negotiating a deal, friends and family keeping in touch with their loved ones, or people sharing a common interest seeing one another for the first time.

For communication to be of use, it must be effective. People are expounding vast amounts of time, effort and money to communicate effectively on the Internet. Studies have shown that using video on the Internet gets people’s attention and increases the likelihood that the message will be remembered.
Humans remember:
10% of what they read,
30% of what they see,
50% of what they see and hear together,
and 80% of what they see, hear and do.
(source: Dr. Mehrabians, Study of Communication.)

This should have a significant impact on how one uses the Internet as a means of communication. Email changed the Internet, but video is changing the World. Email has become the fastest growing form of communication. Every day billions of emails are sent and received and the number continues to grow, (even allowing for the known problems of Spam, viruses etc.) some analysts are predicting that the number of messages will ultimately grow to as many as 100 billion a day!

This may sound great, but if one remembers that to be of use communication has to be effective, clearly definite strategies will have to be developed to achieve this aim of successful communication. The three major problems that have to be considered are:
- “How do you make your message ’stand out from the crowd’?”
- “How do you ensure uniformity of message (so everyone sees and hears the same message?” and
- “How do you try to ensure your message is not confused and misunderstood?”

Some people have started to include pictures and images to help convey the meaning and to add impact, but that still doesn’t solve the problem! This is because we are used to ‘face to face’ communication, where the message is interpreted not only from the spoken word but also the non verbal communication. 55% of a messages meaning is derived from facial expression and 38% is derived from gestures, body language etc.

So what is the solution? People online need fully integrated video streaming facilities for their online communication and this technology is available now, ranging from Video Email, Video Instant Messaging and even live Webcasting and Streaming Web TV. Streaming Video is the online future, and now is the time to place ones self at the fore front of this next communication revolution.

Kevin Sinclair
http://www.articlesbase.com/communication-articles/video-on-the-internet-the-next-communication-revolution-111332.html